dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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