Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
