pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
