so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
