Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
