Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
