After last night, I could never be a politician.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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