so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize