I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize