somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
