so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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