guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
