Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
