someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
