If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
