hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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