So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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