So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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