Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
