He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
