I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
