The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
