I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
