You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
