I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i think i have herpe
just one?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
