I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
