I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
