Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
