i was born a porn star she said
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
