i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
