And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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