i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
