do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
