Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
