We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
