god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize