Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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