I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
