I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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