Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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