I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
