New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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