you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
