Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
