I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
