My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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