The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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