Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
