she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
