Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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