Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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