I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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