I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize