can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
