I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
