thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
