god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
