The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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