It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I smell stomach acid.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
