she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
