there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
