dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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