now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
