So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
