You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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