At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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