Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love having hate sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
