my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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