I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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