PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
