well I can't set my house on fire every night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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